why do bad things happen to good folks? is there a reason behind this? is it just mere coincidence that bad folk escape consequence and harm, and that all things ill-fated hit the less-scheming, less-hateful?
good people court misfortune. good people get used. good people never know when to say 'sorry, not this time'. what kind of courage and despair does it take to drive a man to kill himself; a good man, as a matter of fact. everyone knows that to take one's own life is not even a last thing to do. but when you have no family, no friends, no love, no means, but only fear for the future, can there not be some validity in it? how does one find hope and possibility for a better time and space to let your heart calm down and to just say to yourself, 'alright, things are going to get better if i get over this fucking obstacle', while without any of the formerly mentioned elements that each and every individual soul craves for. do you not want to be in that spot to experience what it would be like, to be pushed to the face of death? the face of despair and pure nothingness? would that answer your questions and inexperienced judgments of calling one a coward who escaped problems at their worst and unsolved?
you would not even fucking dare lose one element i'm sure. i'm so fucking sure, you coward.
the question that is always overrated and talked about dying is that who would come for your funeral? who would eulogize? surely, people are going to arrive and pay their final respects and all that, but who would weep so fucking hard in their hearts they won't function properly the next few days, months, years? the answer i hope, is obvious. drop the inconsequential accquaintances and prioritize properly why don't we. its fucking stupid right, giving bits of soul to too many people.
the dead would always have a story to tell, a hell of a story i'm sure. but they can't share it, they die with it, without letting out slight bits even, before death. imagine walking around with heavyweight issues constantly poking into your soul, not being able to share and shame yourself a little bit - only because you want to stand on your own two feet without getting looked down upon. is that foolish? isn't that just an act of maturity, to settle your own shit and then come back at a better time to face the people whom you think are truly concerned? who are truly concerned anyway? no fucking friend is going to go the whole stretch anyway. really, close your eyes and think about the load that i want you to conjure up and put in your heart; when you've done so, imagine living with the load with everything you do - walk about with it, eat with it, take the long bus ride home with it, sleep with it, or rather try sleeping with it. you acted well. it all seemed too simple.
how does it feel to stand on the edge 24 storeys high? that talk about your life flashing by moments before death, how would it play out? finalcut style with childhood progressing through adolescence, to manhood, to gaining wisdom and finding that other half while you age through your last years playing golf, or something. what if you're young, say 24. what would 'flash'? that one or two loves you thought meant to be forever? still thinking about how the future could actually turn out to be? what you would be missing, and if it'll be worth visiting and waiting for in the first place? or would you think about the people you hate and laugh about it and quietly forgive them before leaving; we all used to love people we hate at some point anyways. we all make choices, whatever consequence awaits. thats the beauty of learning isn't it. the price for lessons sometimes..
i wouldn't be able to answer that. i don't have the guts to experience the question either.
have a good one man, i pray you're happier now. i respect your decision and guts; i don't want to question you either, my brother. you're a true friend. you made sure all were sorted before you.
checkmate; in loving memory of. 84-08
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
04 b o r e d o m
it was unavoidable that i end up talking about being in a space of pure nothingness, blank, zilch. our minds can roam and dream and fantasize and conjure and hallucinate in any way and space we can be in, or imagine. its the most mundane yet essential time of accidental reflection. what are the pseudo-ideal-realities that exist in our head; that we want to exist rather, more often than not.
an interesting, insightful, intriguing and possibly idyllic freedom to wonder and wander with near future and big picture endeavors is what we're dealing with here. its a pretty seriously underrated form of, escape? drug? bliss? you know who you are... very fun i must say. some people tend to do it more than others. no worries my friend, love your own original spaces. be bored. be free with nothing to do. it's a hell of a luxury in fact.
you could be lovers with a film star; dropping wax on a spaceship; flexibility like comeneci; hell, you might just be tokin' up with madlib. who gives a shit innit? get random ideas as well. how you could merge two above average consumer products and create an excellent globally marketable brainchild. endless things to think about. how time slows down and you're stuck in your own space. you control your own world and your brain is your god. take it ez' and have a beer with your alter ego on the tip of K2 and blaze some love on an iceberg-bong. you know?
go on now, get the fuck out and take off mate. sprout some chromed-powerhouse micro-engines war-machine time jet launchers and meet e.t. in 7.3 seconds (eyes fluttering cornelius style).
kenneth thennke enthenk
nethekn hekennt ketennh
tennekh kenneht henk-ten
an interesting, insightful, intriguing and possibly idyllic freedom to wonder and wander with near future and big picture endeavors is what we're dealing with here. its a pretty seriously underrated form of, escape? drug? bliss? you know who you are... very fun i must say. some people tend to do it more than others. no worries my friend, love your own original spaces. be bored. be free with nothing to do. it's a hell of a luxury in fact.
you could be lovers with a film star; dropping wax on a spaceship; flexibility like comeneci; hell, you might just be tokin' up with madlib. who gives a shit innit? get random ideas as well. how you could merge two above average consumer products and create an excellent globally marketable brainchild. endless things to think about. how time slows down and you're stuck in your own space. you control your own world and your brain is your god. take it ez' and have a beer with your alter ego on the tip of K2 and blaze some love on an iceberg-bong. you know?
go on now, get the fuck out and take off mate. sprout some chromed-powerhouse micro-engines war-machine time jet launchers and meet e.t. in 7.3 seconds (eyes fluttering cornelius style).
kenneth thennke enthenk
nethekn hekennt ketennh
tennekh kenneht henk-ten
Sunday, November 23, 2008
03 Grey Abyss
Why is truth seemingly cruel?
In the beginning it was all a treat,
Sequence didn't seem tangible,
Now its all a fucking trick.
Stuck in distant search for solace.
Is not the only way to blow?
How do I put my soul at ease?
Worse than being on ground zero.
Unknown pain invading my space,
Frantic and pushed up to the wall.
Seeking for a method to erase...
Who is gonna catch me when I fall?
In the beginning it was all a treat,
Sequence didn't seem tangible,
Now its all a fucking trick.
Stuck in distant search for solace.
Is not the only way to blow?
How do I put my soul at ease?
Worse than being on ground zero.
Unknown pain invading my space,
Frantic and pushed up to the wall.
Seeking for a method to erase...
Who is gonna catch me when I fall?
02 Weekend Soul
this is the best time of our lives (i'm 22) to just fool around and learn from whatever experience is gonna come our way. no commitments, no responsibilities and most importantly no distractions (sorry if u're not single). its where we can do whatever we want. embrace our passions for music, writing or plain relaxation spaces. if we don't fuck up and learn from everything, be it success or mistakes; we will never be able to handle any kinds of stresses in the future when we're in a more responsibility engulfed surrounding.
when we start life afresh in school, everything has to be kept under a tighter watch. less time for music, less time to hang out with friends and most importantly, its the only time that we need to really grasp our knowledge (on the official) before moving on to a working environment and plunge into the sick and torturous corporate world that all of us deem to be cruel. in school, we have to be disciplined to allot our times wisely in systematic rationed time 'boxes', like how an old man would arrange his pills in a case for his daily consumption. one serving for making music and/or love, one serving for friends, 3 servings for soul time, and 4 servings dedicated to hit the books. that way we go through a cycle; a disciplined cycle - that would consume, say, a standardized amount of time for our week, that would be purely used for the upgrading of our particular skill and knowledge to better ready us for whats ahead in school, and some extent work in the future. of course, this cycle is so strict, it would be under a strict dictator as well. that dictator my friend, is time.
time is set apart for the purpose of us gaining a skill for the fucked up working environment we're gonna be in; passion or not, it is gonna be tough. 3 years per se, is set aside for time at a college, to learn how to handle ups and downs - just like in the army, but in a deeper aspect. when u fuck up in the army, you would be punished accordingly. when u fuck up in school, no one cares. you fail, u're fucking out of school. thats it. its more on a consequence, than a punishment basis. consequences are matters to be reflected upon, and more often than not, the consequences hurt. its like the soul getting punished. enough said. no ones gonna get hurt if one has his mind sorted out on what to do. how to keep the attitude straight?
simple.
just party ur brains and minds out before you enter an organized plan for 3 years (or whatever time it is for you to learn from a company or school). come on once you're out of school, the official learning whistle blows for full time, no more time to learn from mistakes son, time to learn from experience, or else ou'll be taking so much shit from people, you'd wish you make mistakes in school for you to be better conditioned for the harsh reality. you'll get so conditioned with partying, it becomes a lifestyle and then you'll will not be shocked by the repercussions of the consequences - cause there will be experience to guide you. do your work in the day; have a few shots in the evening; smoke up, chill and catch a dvd at night - wake up the next day, back to school. keep it straight, keep it real, always ask urself if u're able to handle the pressures of work and play. whats the moderation like? always be prepared and disciplined to say no when the tiredness kicks in and its time to recuperate for the next day in school. always enjoy ur fridays and saturdays, blow ur brains out to a good and well deserved party. sunday detox and wine over dinner would then put ur mind straight and get you ready for monday again!
learn how to enjoy, whilst you're on your journey in life. always take it ez' and love all people, its really the simplest way out of every little stressful state. no beef. just remember always -
when we start life afresh in school, everything has to be kept under a tighter watch. less time for music, less time to hang out with friends and most importantly, its the only time that we need to really grasp our knowledge (on the official) before moving on to a working environment and plunge into the sick and torturous corporate world that all of us deem to be cruel. in school, we have to be disciplined to allot our times wisely in systematic rationed time 'boxes', like how an old man would arrange his pills in a case for his daily consumption. one serving for making music and/or love, one serving for friends, 3 servings for soul time, and 4 servings dedicated to hit the books. that way we go through a cycle; a disciplined cycle - that would consume, say, a standardized amount of time for our week, that would be purely used for the upgrading of our particular skill and knowledge to better ready us for whats ahead in school, and some extent work in the future. of course, this cycle is so strict, it would be under a strict dictator as well. that dictator my friend, is time.
time is set apart for the purpose of us gaining a skill for the fucked up working environment we're gonna be in; passion or not, it is gonna be tough. 3 years per se, is set aside for time at a college, to learn how to handle ups and downs - just like in the army, but in a deeper aspect. when u fuck up in the army, you would be punished accordingly. when u fuck up in school, no one cares. you fail, u're fucking out of school. thats it. its more on a consequence, than a punishment basis. consequences are matters to be reflected upon, and more often than not, the consequences hurt. its like the soul getting punished. enough said. no ones gonna get hurt if one has his mind sorted out on what to do. how to keep the attitude straight?
simple.
just party ur brains and minds out before you enter an organized plan for 3 years (or whatever time it is for you to learn from a company or school). come on once you're out of school, the official learning whistle blows for full time, no more time to learn from mistakes son, time to learn from experience, or else ou'll be taking so much shit from people, you'd wish you make mistakes in school for you to be better conditioned for the harsh reality. you'll get so conditioned with partying, it becomes a lifestyle and then you'll will not be shocked by the repercussions of the consequences - cause there will be experience to guide you. do your work in the day; have a few shots in the evening; smoke up, chill and catch a dvd at night - wake up the next day, back to school. keep it straight, keep it real, always ask urself if u're able to handle the pressures of work and play. whats the moderation like? always be prepared and disciplined to say no when the tiredness kicks in and its time to recuperate for the next day in school. always enjoy ur fridays and saturdays, blow ur brains out to a good and well deserved party. sunday detox and wine over dinner would then put ur mind straight and get you ready for monday again!
learn how to enjoy, whilst you're on your journey in life. always take it ez' and love all people, its really the simplest way out of every little stressful state. no beef. just remember always -
"cometh the weekend, cometh the life..."
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
01 Agony
i've been thinking about this for awhile now and would like to be enlightened; approaching a beautiful person is verily verily underrated these days, and a disaster as well that in our culture, that when one approaches the other on a quiet/pretty-empty train ride (could be a bookstore, the damn convenience store in fact) per se; the result is usually appalling or repulsive - and random uncalled-for links to 'sexually stimulated' intentions would be conjured up in an instant.
is it really better, to 'buy someone a drink' at a sleazy ladies night gig, or better to just greet the girl who's been at the same bus stop (at usually the same time) reading, say, a nice novel, whatever. my point being; isn't it nice to just have people to talk to, the notion of how strangers are friends un-met. ok sure enough if the person u give, say ur email or number to, starts scammin' u with lowly shallow hints of 'you know what', that u ignore them? what if the human being that does say hi, is one with a beautiful mind - have kopi, or just plain hanging around and faggin a cigarette - while sharing really (be it) meaningful or fun-brainless conversation, all at the bloody comfort of the neighborhood, or not.
well, i for one, live for that shit. its people like these that i meet, make my space vibrant. for sure, u meet friends through mutual friends, organizations, school, etcetera - but the thought of how theres a link cheeses the vibe off at some point don't it? from the person you saw across the room - to accquaintance through a mutual friend - to exchanging numbers on a next 'chance' meeting (which isnt), to gradually 'friend', but cant really properly get comfortable in times of conversation with so many things in between, like circle issues to talk about.
when u meet someone u know absolute zilch about, not even his/her existance; and conversation starts to flow just for the easy truth of two human beings bloody clicking cos their souls are on par, isnt that quite a mad way to meet a person?
i had my fair share of such beauty, more with guys though, who eventually became my best friends (and i have few), but more downs than ups with the female kind. i met a lovely girl lately at a cafe, it was 5pm (trust me it was for the first time, i never knew anything about her), we hung out till 1pm the next day and i headed off to work real sleepy and dizzy, but the joy of such chance kept me going with random bouts of happy energy.
isn't it such a misery to be living in a space like mine? where no one cares for the wonders of all things unpredictable. that no one would give safety and regularity up for the slightest bit of whimsical mystery? what am i doing here still??????????????????????????????????????????
is it really better, to 'buy someone a drink' at a sleazy ladies night gig, or better to just greet the girl who's been at the same bus stop (at usually the same time) reading, say, a nice novel, whatever. my point being; isn't it nice to just have people to talk to, the notion of how strangers are friends un-met. ok sure enough if the person u give, say ur email or number to, starts scammin' u with lowly shallow hints of 'you know what', that u ignore them? what if the human being that does say hi, is one with a beautiful mind - have kopi, or just plain hanging around and faggin a cigarette - while sharing really (be it) meaningful or fun-brainless conversation, all at the bloody comfort of the neighborhood, or not.
well, i for one, live for that shit. its people like these that i meet, make my space vibrant. for sure, u meet friends through mutual friends, organizations, school, etcetera - but the thought of how theres a link cheeses the vibe off at some point don't it? from the person you saw across the room - to accquaintance through a mutual friend - to exchanging numbers on a next 'chance' meeting (which isnt), to gradually 'friend', but cant really properly get comfortable in times of conversation with so many things in between, like circle issues to talk about.
when u meet someone u know absolute zilch about, not even his/her existance; and conversation starts to flow just for the easy truth of two human beings bloody clicking cos their souls are on par, isnt that quite a mad way to meet a person?
i had my fair share of such beauty, more with guys though, who eventually became my best friends (and i have few), but more downs than ups with the female kind. i met a lovely girl lately at a cafe, it was 5pm (trust me it was for the first time, i never knew anything about her), we hung out till 1pm the next day and i headed off to work real sleepy and dizzy, but the joy of such chance kept me going with random bouts of happy energy.
isn't it such a misery to be living in a space like mine? where no one cares for the wonders of all things unpredictable. that no one would give safety and regularity up for the slightest bit of whimsical mystery? what am i doing here still??????????????????????????????????????????
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
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